Can't believe I went 3 months without blogging at all. I'm excited to have internet so this can become a regular habit again.
I feel weird blogging without any specific purpose, but I so badly needed to just write again. I miss it. Just being able to pour your thoughts out to whomever feels like reading, and the feeling of relief that comes afterward. I love to talk - everyone who knows me knows that. But writing? I would much prefer to write. I feel so much more honest, and sincere; I can express who I am through written words better than I can through the awkward things that come out of my mouth. It is just one of those creative processes I actually enjoy and benefit from.
Charissa was always one that loved writing and reading. I think it was her first blog that really inspired me to make my own. She is such an english lover; she reads more books in a month than I usually do in a year. She is often the one who suggests a book that I end up reading and absolutely loving. The current one from Charissa is "Gifted to Lead" by Nancy Beach. It is all about women in leadership, and how to succeed. This book is fantastic. I am really beginning my journey in ministry, and it is CRAZY. I am realizing things and learning things that I never have before. Things like boundaries with the younger boys I am now LEADING, and no longer a peer of. Things like how important vulnerability, honesty, humor, compassion, patience, understanding, and confidence are. Things like the absolute necessity of accountability partners, mentors, reading your Bible, and constant prayer. I am learning that I will ALWAYS be learning, and that everyday will be a new lesson. Sometimes easy, often hard, always with good intentions.
I love that God has given me such fire and passion. I love life so much - what a drastic change from my past. I constantly thank God for that change - He swept in and cleared my regrets, gave me a purpose, and changed me forever. I love youth - I feel their pain more than they know, and I care about them and helping them through it. Before I had good influences and people who really cared about me and my life, I started going down a rough path, and it took me a lot to get out of that. And I never would have been able to get out of it WITHOUT those mentors and people who loved me, who encouraged me and showed me God's love and how to have a relationship with Him. It is the same with the orphans I encounter - I want to invest in them and love them like people have done for me. If all I wanted to do with the rest of my life was pay forward what has been given to me when I was undeserving, I would be a busy woman until the day I die.
I just want to be used. I want to continue to burn for Christ, and for His love, and just pour that out onto other people. My prayer and my goal is that I will continue to erase my own selfish desires and broken, negative habits, and just live my life completely for Him.
I'm not perfect, but I love my God like crazy. It's great to know He accepts me this way, and adores me more than I could ever possibly imagine.
