Burdens

this past week has been a huge focus on burdens, and living life as a Christ follower. I wrote a small group guide focused on Mark chapter 7, and read through Tim's 2 camp messages for this year, which are focused on Exodus and slavery and their burdens. funny.



there are certain things i have felt burdened with most of my life. having to be a mom to my younger siblings, being my mothers shoulder/partner/team. fighting my dad. making sure my siblings have more of a normal life than i did. pleasing people. being all that i could be, doing everything i could. being a person people like, being a person people want to be friends with. i feel like my entire life iv been striving to reach others expectations. this has been a HUGE burden.



in this past year i finally started reaching someones expectations. after years and years and years of never being good enough, or doing enough, i finally started getting it right. while i started meeting this person's expectations, old expectations started to fade away, or were slowly removed; mothering my siblings, having to hate my father and hold up my mother. while those left, it was like i was brought up from the floor. like i spent my entire life flat on the ground, and once these weights were lifted, i was finally allowed to stand. i literally feel like i stand taller now, like i have confidence for the first time in my life. all because one person believed in me. amazing how that works.



i have let this person down as well. i can still remember the first time i really disappointed him. i can still say it was one of the worst days of my life, and probably will forever be engraved into my memory. the guilt i felt from that was absolutely horrible, and has absolutely had a long term affect on me. because of that day, and those feelings, i never want to let him down again. since then, i can definitely say i have. not to the extent of that first time, but im sure i have. and i have come to face the facts; thats just life. its GOING to happen. you can try to avoid it all you want but its impossible to ALWAYS please someone. anyone, for that matter. its just not going to happen. we arent perfect.



there was a message in StuCo a few months ago talking about how people use the excuse "we're just human" when they sin. I REALLY hate that excuse, especially after hearing that message. Jesus was just human, but he was 100% perfect. so whats our real reason for screwing up all the time? no, we arent perfect. but not because God MADE us that way. its because of our CHOICES. we CHOOSE not te be perfect. obviously i make mistakes sometimes that arent INTENTIONAL, but i didnt make that mistake because im HUMAN. i made that mistake bc of a bad habit, or not paying closer attention, or trying to really focus and change myself. for example, i say something bad about someone, i.e. talk crap, gossip, whatever. i wasnt intentionally trying to talk bad or rip that person down, but I did it. maybe because iv done it so much in my past, or listen to people doing it all the time. thats a habit that needs to get BROKEN; to stop doing it, and not willingly listen to others doing it. its something i can fix. and i dont fix it to strive more towards PERFECTION. i fix it to strive more towards being like Christ. i CHOSE to do it, and now im going to CHOOSE to fix it. being human has nothing to do with that.



so here we are, right back at the start; striving to reach expectations. or are we? God doesnt EXPECT us to be perfect, but He wants us to live FOR Him and LIKE Christ. so are we really having to strive towards expectations?



I finally feel like im DONE trying to reach people's expectations. people will always EXPECT stuff from us. to be smarter, or prettier, or wiser, or faster, or greater, or whatever. people will always be laying these expectations on us, and we will feel like we must reach those. but in reality, the only one that matters is Christ, and as He does expect us to obey His commandments, he doesnt EXPECT us to reach certain goals or certain standards. He WANTS whats BEST for us, which is to be the best person we can be.



feeling like i always have to reach expectations; thats a great burden to lose