Not even a week later and the tables have completely turned.
It is so hard to do the right thing for yourself when it means losing the one thing you really want.
I know I needed to walk away, but that doesn't make it any easier. He didn't appreciate me, he didn't love me. And my deal all along was if the feelings werent mutual I would walk.
So here I am. Without my best friend and the man I love like crazy. And I'm having to move on. Again. For the past year and a half I was doing the same thing, only to NOT finish, him come back, and now I have to start over.
I never wanted to live life without him. And now I'm choosing to, so I can move on, so hopefully someday I can love somebody else.
Life. Life life life.
It goes on.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
I Melt
It has been 2 months since Mitchel came back into my life.
2 months since that shocking day he texted me back, 2 months since we talked on the phone for the first time in a year and a half.
I sit here and I can barely wipe the smile from my face. I can feel my heart, huge and exploding, all over again.
Joy. Such incredible joy. Love. Hope. Laughter. But most of all, joy.
It has been a rough 2 months, and I am sure the roller coaster will continue. I have strong days where I believe in us and believe him and believe in where this is going. I have days that aren't so strong. Days where I cry, days where I get angry. Days where I get scared and want to run away. But in the end... joy.
Mitchel is the best thing that has ever happened to my life. He was years ago when he first came into my life, and he is still today. Mitch cares about me. Mitch knows me better than anyone in the entire world. He reads me so well he is practically reading my mind. And best of all... Mitch loves me. And Mitch loves me like no one ever as.
Joy. This is what I want to remember. On the days I am feeling insecure, or the days he hasn't texted me yet. This is what I want to remember. How he makes me feel so important, so cared for. How he reminds me that I am so worthy of love, and of loyalty. How he makes me laugh, how he makes me smile. How just the mention of his name makes me melt.
I don't understand life. Life is all over the place, life is crazy, life is hard to understand. But oh life... life is good.
2 months since that shocking day he texted me back, 2 months since we talked on the phone for the first time in a year and a half.
I sit here and I can barely wipe the smile from my face. I can feel my heart, huge and exploding, all over again.
Joy. Such incredible joy. Love. Hope. Laughter. But most of all, joy.
It has been a rough 2 months, and I am sure the roller coaster will continue. I have strong days where I believe in us and believe him and believe in where this is going. I have days that aren't so strong. Days where I cry, days where I get angry. Days where I get scared and want to run away. But in the end... joy.
Mitchel is the best thing that has ever happened to my life. He was years ago when he first came into my life, and he is still today. Mitch cares about me. Mitch knows me better than anyone in the entire world. He reads me so well he is practically reading my mind. And best of all... Mitch loves me. And Mitch loves me like no one ever as.
Joy. This is what I want to remember. On the days I am feeling insecure, or the days he hasn't texted me yet. This is what I want to remember. How he makes me feel so important, so cared for. How he reminds me that I am so worthy of love, and of loyalty. How he makes me laugh, how he makes me smile. How just the mention of his name makes me melt.
I don't understand life. Life is all over the place, life is crazy, life is hard to understand. But oh life... life is good.
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