This is my winter song to you.
The storm is coming soon,
it rolls in from the sea

My voice; a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light,
to carry you to me.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love

They say that things just cannot grow
beneath the winter snow,
or so I have been told.

They say were buried far,
just like a distant star
I simply cannot hold.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

This is my winter song.
December never felt so wrong,
cause youre not where you belong;
inside my arms.

bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
bum bum bum bum bum bum
bum bum bum bum bum bum

I still believe in summer days.
The seasons always change
and life will find a way.

Ill be your harvester of light
and send it out tonight
so we can start again.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

This is my winter song.
December never felt so wrong,
cause youre not where you belong;
inside my arms.

This is my winter song to you.
The storm is coming soon
it rolls in from the sea.

My love a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light
to carry you to me.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?

Sunrise

It's hard to begin to act and think differently when it is something you have done your entire life. For me, I had to DO things to make people accept me and for people to love me. I was always a DOING person, always trying to please everyone else. If someone didn't talk to me as much or treated me differently it was because there was a relational problem. Back then, there was no communication when something was wrong. We would just stop talking to each other, act passive aggressive until something would explode.

Sometimes it is really hard to tell if what is going on is conflict, or just life. I don't know if people aren't communicating, or if there is simply nothing to communicate.


I want my life to be different. I'm not okay with this. I don't know if the circumstances are going to change so it is up to me. Now I just have to figure out HOW to make it different.

I could definitely use a positive change. A sunrise on an otherwise gloomy morning. Could use that pretty badly right now

Jar of Hearts

I can't believe I went almost 2 months without writing at all. I'm hoping if I begin blogging my thoughts again, the nightmares will begin to fade and I'll be able to sleep.

I'm not even sure where to start. I feel like I have such a ridiculous amount of words built up inside, and if I start to let it drip its gonna flood.

I feel like lately I am getting so many lessons on relationships. and I'm not sure any of them are good ones. I'm not perfect at them, at all. Actually, I'm pretty darn bad at them. But I'm trying so hard, I really am. Right now I'm just struggling to see WHY I'm trying so hard.

I think my biggest motivation is fixing my relationships and my problems so that I can be a good youth pastor. I don't want teenagers to have to go through what I did alone. I'm so afraid I'll try and do ministry and something about ME is going to get in the way of helping someone else. It hurts my heart just to THINK about that situation. I just want to help people. Maybe because I know I need the help so badly, and it makes me want to help others even more.

When I feel worn out, I just turn to other people who are struggling and focus on them. I'm worried I'm continually shoving myself aside, over and over. The healthier erin is screaming and fighting, and the old erin just shoves her back and keeps going.

Why is it that when people finally acknowledge my feelings I blow it off so they stop? Stupid. And I complain about people not listening to me or understanding. I won't LET them.

I'm sick of messing up. I'm sick of feeling like I am doing something wrong all the time. I just need to be loved right now. I just don't know what to do right now.



Did I make a mistake?