I feel like I am going through an "up" phase in my relationship with Christ. I have now been reading the Bible every day for 20 weeks. I am writing papers based off of pericopes from the Bible, which includes extensive studying and reading of the passage. I have also been watching the Nooma videos to write summer guides, and listening to even more worship music to prepare for worship band auditions in the summer/fall. I feel like all of these things combined have me feeling closer to God than I have felt in a long time. At first, I thought it was superficial and very surface level. But I realized that I am finally truly pacing with God. I have stopped talking so much to Him, and have begun to just listen. I feel like I am finally having real conversation with God.
With this real conversation has come a real relationship. I feel there is so much to say to God that I can't say with words, or I can't find the right words to truly express it. For one, my gratitude. Everytime I truly reflect on what I have been blessed with, I become overwhelmed and my heart just boils over with love for my Savior. I have had points in my life where I felt so empty, so burned out; I felt I had nothing left to give, not another word, not another prayer, nothing. But sitting here, right now... I know my heart is full. Not just full, but overflowing. When I become stressed and depressed, reality is often clouded, and I forget how much I truly have. I have so much love to give that I don't know what to do with it, and that is because of how much I am loved.
My heart is just simply... overjoyed today. I feel like I could sing, I could dance, I could cry with joy. I am so incredibly blessed.
Maybe that's all I needed to do. God must understand, why would I need to have the perfect words to explain to my all-knowing Father how much I am in love with Him? He gets it, because He loves me even MORE than that.
Abba, Father, my life Preserver, my Savior, my Everything. Oh how I love you, Lord, how blessed am I, how blessed am I...
I pray that I remember this in times of struggle, in times of depression, in the "down" phases of my life. May I remember how truly blessed I am, and remember how much my Father loves me, and how much I love Him. What else could I possibly need? I have so much, I have been blessed with everything.
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