Reciprocal

I haven't usually been one to ask myself what I gain from what I do in my life. I usually just do it. Sometimes that's good, sometimes that's bad. Sometimes it means I'm being selfless and caring for others. Sometimes it's because I want to do something that I know probably would turn out bady for me or is an unwise decision, but I want to do it anyway. I rarely think about what I could learn from the situation or what could come out of it until it has already happened and I learned [often the hard way] what the outcome would be.



I think I've finally gotten to the point of my life where it is important to me to think before I act. And not meaning I won't take risks or step out in blind faith, because I hope to continue to do that. But when making decisions, however big or small, they need to be thoroughly thought through. I am in a lot of situations in my life currently where it is not something that is healthy for me, or that I am learning from. I am in a lot of one way relationships, which is even more frustrating to me. I believe in the concept of reciprocal relationships. Not because you owe it to the person or even because they deserve it, but because that's how you have a healthy relationship. Give AND take. I also believe in relational communication. You TALK when you are frustrated or upset, or even slightly irritated. Somethings need to be let go, yes. But when you aren't letting it go, and you KNOW it, you need to talk.



I think one of the most frustrating things for me is when you go to someone who has hurt you, and instead of hearing why you are hurt and working together to fix it, they go on attack. They say mean things that they know will hurt you just because they want to spite you, and they are on the defense. They accuse you of everything you have EVER done wrong, just so they dont have to feel bad. Now, I know that sometimes, their accusations are dead on. You havent been listening well, or sensitive to THEIR feelings. But when I come to you first, and you havent told me any of these things, I expect you to listen to what I'm saying and respect my feelings. I will absolutely listen to your feelings and respect them, and we can work together to fix those as well. But just because you feel like I've hurt you, too, doesnt mean you disregard the feelings I came to you with. We are EQUAL. My feelings matter. If I come to you with something that is going wrong, obviously something needs to get fixed. I do not expect it to be a "get on the defense and attack Erin" conversation, either. Multiple people can be in the wrong. But one person's wrong does not cancel out the other. They BOTH need to be worked through.



I'm tired of being the first to communicate so suddenly im insensitive, or I'm the bad guy. How are you supposed to have a relationship if it is not open and equal?