Twenty-something

I feel like I am stuck in this awful in between part of my life. I felt so confident in the family God had given me, in the friends God had given me, in my purpose and my career choice. I feel like someone punched the window of my life and it has shattered into a million pieces, and I am throwing myself around trying to pick it all up and get the shards to all fit back together. But it feels like now that the glass has been shattered, it's not the same shape, and never can be. It might not be a huge difference, but every little knick or shred that's missing has completely changed how it works together.




I have been so confident in where I should be headed and that I'm doing the right thing. Now I know where what I should be doing but I'm not sure if I'm doing it. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm doing anything. Everywhere I turn, my friends are starting real careers with real salaries. Right and left my friends are getting engaged, some even getting married. I have friends that have died, friends that are seriously sick, friends that are getting their own places. How old am I?? I'm constantly shocked at how quickly my life is moving. I am just turning 20 and all of this is already happening? I was quick to become indepedent and force myself into adulthood, and now I'm not even sure if I'm in the right place or know what I'm getting into.




I recently had quite the relational disconnect from God, and it left me feeling pretty down. It's rare I go even half a day without talking to Him in some way, or just listening to what He is sayin. This past month I went a good week and a half without saying a word, unless I was yelling about how I didn't understand, or didn't think what was happening was fair. I felt like the naughty child when I had to get down on my knees and humble myself enough to admit I was wrong, and apologize for taking it out on the person who deserved it least of all. And like every other time, my Father just wrapped me right back up, knowing all along I would come back and He was just patiently waiting. I felt relieved, and disappointed in myself for getting so mad at Him in the first place. And now that I finally have taken my misguided anger out of the picture, I'm really having to LOOK at the picture and figure life out.



As confused as I am, as lost as I am, as defeated as I feel, I am blessed. My Father loves me and you know what, that really is all that matters. He is here for me every single step of the way, tiny or gigantic, no matter what. And He is all I need!



I'm sure I'll never figure it out. Now I just need to become content in knowing that.