cut

you don't know what's right.
nothing feels quite right.
there's always something off.
it's in you.
it's in the people around you
it's in your location

I wonder if there is ever a place you can act completely natural. completely. no effort, whatsoever. a place where you can be completely comfortable. never concerned for others feelings, what other people are thinking, what you need to do. a place where you can sit in pajamas and oily hair and sing with a scratchy unwarmed up voice and have people hug you and mean it just as much as they would in the opposite circumstance.

this kind of pain is almost too painful to even write. i am sick of feeling unloved. i am sick of being hurt. i am sick of hurting over jared. I wish I knew how to really feel and accept the love of Christ. I feel like that would help me so much on quite a frequent basis.

I am not alone, I am not alone..
not a stranger, no I am yours
with crippled anger, and tears that still drip sore
i do not want to be afraid.
i do not want to die inside just to breathe in



these scars wouldn't be so hidden if you would just look me in the eye...