Whitewash

Before now, if you had asked me what my dream was, I would have asked you how many hours you had to spare. Today in church, we were told we can do it, we can make that dream come true. And I could not make one of my past dreams come to mind in the way they used to.

What does it mean when your passions fade? Or when you don't feel like there's this dozens of little goals you have that are driving you forward in your life?

I am not apathetic, nor do I not give a crud about God or His purpose for my life. I still feel like I have purpose. But it's different. Now, I feel like it's the purpose that God gives me for my life, what He brings into my life, what circumstances He puts me into. I no longer feel like it's me striving to achieve my dreams.

Is this bad? It feels pretty bad. The realization left me feeling pretty empty. How can a passionate person just lose their passion?

I don't want to be angry anymore. I don't want to get heated quickly, or fired up. That doesn't mean I no longer want to care about what I've always cared about.


I'm not really sure what's happening to me. I feel like someone has splashed a bucket of water on me, and my colors are slowly washing away. What an awful feeling.