Dodgeball

I feel like the stereotypical nerd in elementary school during recess. I am standing, minding my own business, and suddenly a ball flies and hits me square in the face, and I fall to me knees. I jump back up, shake it off, smile like everything's fine, and next thing I know another ball hits me, "wham!" and I'm down on the ground again. I get up, this time a little more hesitant, but yet again, "whomp!" and I'm in the dirt. I always felt bad for that kid in the movies, or TV shows. He had so many enemies, and they all beat up on him. I never realized I would be in a similar circumstance, but instead, my friends are the ones chucking the dodge balls.

How many hits can someone take? I feel like I take a handful, and I am feeling overwhelmed. I forgive, I move on, I decide that it's not worth holding a grudge or even keeping any of the hurt feelings. I start over, feeling like I am refreshed and able to take on the world. A handful of hits later, I am in a worse place than I was the last time. Each time I stand back up and brush myself off, I've left a little bit of patience on the ground, a little bit of my confidence. Every time I get myself back up, I find it harder to stay up, and even harder to stand up yet another time.

I'm at a loss for words. I just feel completely... worn out. I have found myself at this point repeatedly over the semester. People take and take and take and I just don't feel like I have anything left of me to have taken. I just want to cry. I just want to yell at everyone who keeps hurting me, but I don't even know if I have the energy for that.

I just want people to care. I'm a human being. Yeah, I probably have way too many emotions and feelings. Yeah, sometimes I blow things out of proportion. Yeah, sometimes I take things too personally. But all I want is to be cared about. Is that really too much to ask?