Pondering

I am trying to decide what, exactly, I want to happen in my internship with Tim. I know for a fact I want to do a lot more. a LOT more. My little leading on Saturday nights and talking to a few parents and getting to know some students feels like nothing. I want to have TONS of stuff to do. I want to be involved to the point where I can't get involved anymore without going crazy. Though there's nothing wrong about being a little crazy ;]

I want to REALLY lead a small group. I've thoroughly enjoyed leading Saturday nights, but rarely having students is a little frustrating. I want to lead a small group that actually has STUDENTS in it. like at camp. that was a good experience for me, and definitely a learning one. and I also learned a lot at KSU. i feel like im ready to actually be able to run a group of students. probably not a huge one [dont want to dive in head first]. But whoever they need a leader for, im in. thats something I will probably do after i graduate from high school right away anyway, so I need some more practice. and its a big part of going into ministry.

i also want to get more in leadership team wise. its like what tim told me today. I am extremely excited to have my own "team" now. Obviously I have to find the people and get stuff organized, but I am so excited for the challenge. Talking people into things and getting people to join stuff with me isnt difficult, so im thinking it will be pretty easy. but keeping a schedule, making sure we always have enough people, and thinking of good ideas for welcome will be a challenge. and im so excited for it! I love helping out, but the easy jobs iv been getting are, well, a little too easy.

i want to be challenged more. i want tim to push me to the point where im actually having to spend time on stuff, maybe even sweat a bit. i LOVE challenges. i LOVE difficult situations, because i know no matter what there is a way. as much as it doesnt seem like it, i love having to FIND the answers. im not one who likes having them given to me. yes, i could use some help or advice, but I would rather work for it. i just want more to do, more things that arent simple or like little nothings that take about a minute. the challenge tim gave me tonight about finding a certain way to welcome for each series is something thats going to take a little more deep thought. and im GLAD. i WANT a challenge. so im extremely excited about this. [thats also why i love my yearbook class so much. tons of deadlines, tons of big projects, having to find people in less than 24 hours, etc. and i TOTALLY thrive that way]

i work best under pressure. i guess im just ready for some pressure. i guess its just the challenge thing. i want to be challenged in projects, doing certain things for students, idk, anything. any kind of challenges would do.

definitely one of the biggest things i wanted was to get a real responsibility. and the welcoming team is exactly that. so goal #1 has officially been achieved; getting the opportunity to get a team together. now i just have to find my team...


oh man, i love stuco. i love tim. i love ministry. i love all of this. my future is so stinking exciting. this year is going to be amazing, i can feel it. im so blessed to have such amazing people to lead me and work with. soo stinking blessed.