im a hot, crying, sticky mess.
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it okay
I miss you
I haven't felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
Are lyin' on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
that stupid song.
was the song i listened to constantly when jared and i first broke up
uuugh
i cant believe im blogging about this. over a year and a half later, close to 2 years.
why cant i just forget about him?
stupid stupid stupid.
i dont regret it. i cant. its pointless anyway, i cant change it
i just feel like... something is hanging, like the door is cracked
and i have to shut the door before i can move on to the next one
what do you do if your not sure how to shut the door?
Friday, October 31, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
flyleaf
Telling about Layla's story spoken
'Bout how all her bones are broken
Hammers fall on all the pieces
Two months in the cover creases
Fully alive
More than most
Ready to smile and love life
Fully alive though she knows
How to believe in futures
All my complaints shrink to nothing
I'm ashamed of all my somethings
She's glad for one day of comfort
Only because she has suffered
these lyrics have just got me thinking a lot lately...
'Bout how all her bones are broken
Hammers fall on all the pieces
Two months in the cover creases
Fully alive
More than most
Ready to smile and love life
Fully alive though she knows
How to believe in futures
All my complaints shrink to nothing
I'm ashamed of all my somethings
She's glad for one day of comfort
Only because she has suffered
these lyrics have just got me thinking a lot lately...
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
no one cares to talk about it, talk about it
paramore. i love that band. paramore and flyleaf. 2 bands i could listen to non stop for DAYS and wouldnt get sick of them. And david crowder band. Music. I love music.
You know, its funny. Last night, my mom told me to go to bed early cause I have been having wicked migraines, so I was in my room by 9 pm last night. I laid on my bed and was like ohh, I want to read my bible. Right now im reading through the entire bible again, trying to really get stuff to stick, and kind of relearning a lot of the stuff I was taught when I was younger. I don’t want to miss anything. So I started reading and before I knew it over an hour and a half had passed. And it kind of makes me think. I hear people [mostly teenagers] constantly say they couldn’t live without music. They are constantly listening to it, love listening to it, etc. and that’s pretty much how I am with the bible. Im addicted. I love reading it, it totally consumes me and all of my attention, and I could read it nonstop for hours.
Music is a lot of peoples anti-drug. The bible is mine. I wasn’t always like that. As kids my mom always taught us to read our bibles, and I always did, but through junior high and freshman year I definitely went through a point where the bible was the most boring thing EVER. Its cool for me to see how much God has grown in me, and see how much I truly love listening to what he has to say. Definitely makes me feel a little better about myself. And it also helps me when im feeling down, and not really confident in myself, to see that, yes, I have grown. No matter how much my mother or old friends say I haven’t, I know I have. And that’s proof right there.
so this morning i did even MORE research on spring arbor, considering they're the only school so far iv gotten accepted into [hopefully north park and hope will send me a letter soon!!!] and its making me realize how close this change actually is. i mean, im going to be leaving for college next august. and its already november. 9 months. i only have 9 months. And I feel like I have so much still to do in this small amount of time.
I honestly thought this year was going to CRAWL. I was already looking forward to graduating last spring, and time was barely moving. And now that im actually facing graduation, I feel like its speeding right at me. the fact that im already a fourth through this year blows my mind. I feel like we started school last week! I still haven’t got over my summer high; how can I already be a quarter way through the school year?? Its crazy. Part of me is calmly moving forward as my future flies at my face, but part of me is desperately grasping everything I have, trying to get a hold on everything that is in my life right now.
Im not totally positive why im so freaked about losing everything. I mean, its not like CCC is going to burn up and disappear while im away. I could come back and visit as much as I want [depending on where I go, that is]. No matter what, after I graduate college, I can always come home, back to my church and continue attending. Its not like oh, you graduated, your done with stuco, your done with this church. I KNOW its not like that. Yet part of me is TOTALLY against going far enough to not be able to attend services on a regular basis.
I guess that kind of has to do with spiritual growth, and spiritual independence. I know that if I went without my church my relationship with Christ would not disintegrate. But maybe its just time to test that, see if I can keep improving and stay strong in my walk with God. I guess I know I can. I do, I know that I could survive without my church. But I don’t want to even have to TRY that. I would much rather have my church than go without it. Its my home, the people are my family. its my safe place. And im not ready to lose my safe place.
You know, speaking of music [way earlier, at least], its really hitting home lately. Iv always been a huge music person, but the past year I kind of went through a separation with it [lol, like it’s a person or something]. I kind of lost the passion, didn’t care as much. But very recently, songs with lyrics that totally apply to me have been popping up like crazy and making me think. Weird how that works.
Oh and you know what I noticed last night? Jacob was the first person to ever tithe. Jacob, Isaacs son. I think. Now I can’t remember whose son he was. But it’s the Jacob from genesis. Just funny, I never thought about tithing starting at one point. Its just one of those things I just thought always existed. Although we know communion started with the disciples.. whatever. Just a cool fact :]
You know, its funny. Last night, my mom told me to go to bed early cause I have been having wicked migraines, so I was in my room by 9 pm last night. I laid on my bed and was like ohh, I want to read my bible. Right now im reading through the entire bible again, trying to really get stuff to stick, and kind of relearning a lot of the stuff I was taught when I was younger. I don’t want to miss anything. So I started reading and before I knew it over an hour and a half had passed. And it kind of makes me think. I hear people [mostly teenagers] constantly say they couldn’t live without music. They are constantly listening to it, love listening to it, etc. and that’s pretty much how I am with the bible. Im addicted. I love reading it, it totally consumes me and all of my attention, and I could read it nonstop for hours.
Music is a lot of peoples anti-drug. The bible is mine. I wasn’t always like that. As kids my mom always taught us to read our bibles, and I always did, but through junior high and freshman year I definitely went through a point where the bible was the most boring thing EVER. Its cool for me to see how much God has grown in me, and see how much I truly love listening to what he has to say. Definitely makes me feel a little better about myself. And it also helps me when im feeling down, and not really confident in myself, to see that, yes, I have grown. No matter how much my mother or old friends say I haven’t, I know I have. And that’s proof right there.
so this morning i did even MORE research on spring arbor, considering they're the only school so far iv gotten accepted into [hopefully north park and hope will send me a letter soon!!!] and its making me realize how close this change actually is. i mean, im going to be leaving for college next august. and its already november. 9 months. i only have 9 months. And I feel like I have so much still to do in this small amount of time.
I honestly thought this year was going to CRAWL. I was already looking forward to graduating last spring, and time was barely moving. And now that im actually facing graduation, I feel like its speeding right at me. the fact that im already a fourth through this year blows my mind. I feel like we started school last week! I still haven’t got over my summer high; how can I already be a quarter way through the school year?? Its crazy. Part of me is calmly moving forward as my future flies at my face, but part of me is desperately grasping everything I have, trying to get a hold on everything that is in my life right now.
Im not totally positive why im so freaked about losing everything. I mean, its not like CCC is going to burn up and disappear while im away. I could come back and visit as much as I want [depending on where I go, that is]. No matter what, after I graduate college, I can always come home, back to my church and continue attending. Its not like oh, you graduated, your done with stuco, your done with this church. I KNOW its not like that. Yet part of me is TOTALLY against going far enough to not be able to attend services on a regular basis.
I guess that kind of has to do with spiritual growth, and spiritual independence. I know that if I went without my church my relationship with Christ would not disintegrate. But maybe its just time to test that, see if I can keep improving and stay strong in my walk with God. I guess I know I can. I do, I know that I could survive without my church. But I don’t want to even have to TRY that. I would much rather have my church than go without it. Its my home, the people are my family. its my safe place. And im not ready to lose my safe place.
You know, speaking of music [way earlier, at least], its really hitting home lately. Iv always been a huge music person, but the past year I kind of went through a separation with it [lol, like it’s a person or something]. I kind of lost the passion, didn’t care as much. But very recently, songs with lyrics that totally apply to me have been popping up like crazy and making me think. Weird how that works.
Oh and you know what I noticed last night? Jacob was the first person to ever tithe. Jacob, Isaacs son. I think. Now I can’t remember whose son he was. But it’s the Jacob from genesis. Just funny, I never thought about tithing starting at one point. Its just one of those things I just thought always existed. Although we know communion started with the disciples.. whatever. Just a cool fact :]
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
One step at a time
hurry up, and wait
so close, but so far away
every thing, that you ever dreamed of
close enough for you to taste
but you just cant touch
its so how i feel right now. its all so here, so close... yet so so far away, like ill never get a hold on it
i feel like that about multiple things. my life being 100% dedicated to Christ. college. relationship with my dad, fixing things with my mom, a CAR. everything.
there are [of course] some positives. like always :]
i got rehired at justice. i worked there for a year, took a 2 month break, and will be starting again on monday. definitely a plus. i loved that job!
i also got my first acceptance letter today to spring arbor university. very exciting! it is in michigan, which feels a little too far from me, but its 1 of my top 3 schools. #3, to be exact. im still waiting to hear back from hope college and north park university, which is my #1 choice. if i get into north park, im going there no matter what. its in downtown chicago, so getting home will not be difficult. which is good.
its funny. when i say home, im not talking about the house i live in. im talking about my church.
i still havent decided if thats good or bad. but thats my family. its who i love to be with, and hopefully i have a future job there. fingers crossed. i know that if i am led to another church its God's plan, but i really feel like CCC is where i belong. maybe not montgomery campus, but A campus. well see, i have a few more years before i have to worry about that.
so next thursday, early in the morning, im heading out to spring arbor for 2 days. they have their senior expedition, where we go thursday, eat dinner and see a concert and stay in the dorms with some college students. the next morning we go to chapel, tour the campus, meet with a professor that teaches our major, and get to ask whatever questions we like. ill be back late friday night. and im super excited! ill be taking the train, and right now it looks like ill be going by myself, unless sarah can join me. of all people shes definitely the one i want to join me. it would be crazy fun!!
finished the apprentice book that carter, eric, and nick wrote. it was definitely helpful for me, because i obviously need to know what leaders look for in an apprentice bc i eventually will be one. interning is kind of the first step to that, apprenticeship follows it. and someday im sure ill be apprenticing people, too. it was helpful. i really love reading books about ministry. im definitely a self learner, like with reading and researching. and of course, going through it is good :]
well, back to the real world.
waiting for my last 2 college letters, so i can make some final decisions.
im way too anxious to wait any longer. i should find out this month, either way.
but the fact i might have to wait 4 more weeks is killin me. i definitely do NOT have the patience for that... oh well.
so close, but so far away
every thing, that you ever dreamed of
close enough for you to taste
but you just cant touch
its so how i feel right now. its all so here, so close... yet so so far away, like ill never get a hold on it
i feel like that about multiple things. my life being 100% dedicated to Christ. college. relationship with my dad, fixing things with my mom, a CAR. everything.
there are [of course] some positives. like always :]
i got rehired at justice. i worked there for a year, took a 2 month break, and will be starting again on monday. definitely a plus. i loved that job!
i also got my first acceptance letter today to spring arbor university. very exciting! it is in michigan, which feels a little too far from me, but its 1 of my top 3 schools. #3, to be exact. im still waiting to hear back from hope college and north park university, which is my #1 choice. if i get into north park, im going there no matter what. its in downtown chicago, so getting home will not be difficult. which is good.
its funny. when i say home, im not talking about the house i live in. im talking about my church.
i still havent decided if thats good or bad. but thats my family. its who i love to be with, and hopefully i have a future job there. fingers crossed. i know that if i am led to another church its God's plan, but i really feel like CCC is where i belong. maybe not montgomery campus, but A campus. well see, i have a few more years before i have to worry about that.
so next thursday, early in the morning, im heading out to spring arbor for 2 days. they have their senior expedition, where we go thursday, eat dinner and see a concert and stay in the dorms with some college students. the next morning we go to chapel, tour the campus, meet with a professor that teaches our major, and get to ask whatever questions we like. ill be back late friday night. and im super excited! ill be taking the train, and right now it looks like ill be going by myself, unless sarah can join me. of all people shes definitely the one i want to join me. it would be crazy fun!!
finished the apprentice book that carter, eric, and nick wrote. it was definitely helpful for me, because i obviously need to know what leaders look for in an apprentice bc i eventually will be one. interning is kind of the first step to that, apprenticeship follows it. and someday im sure ill be apprenticing people, too. it was helpful. i really love reading books about ministry. im definitely a self learner, like with reading and researching. and of course, going through it is good :]
well, back to the real world.
waiting for my last 2 college letters, so i can make some final decisions.
im way too anxious to wait any longer. i should find out this month, either way.
but the fact i might have to wait 4 more weeks is killin me. i definitely do NOT have the patience for that... oh well.
Monday, October 27, 2008
stupid future
college decisions. are definitely one of the hardest i have EVER made.
i mean, depending on what college i go to depends on the people ill meet. and the education ill get. and how much ill be involved at home and my home church.
i guess what i really wish is that i knew what was going to happen after i graduate. i wish i KNEW i had a set job at CCC and i wouldnt have to stress about it. but nobody gets off THAT easy. its just... the whole not knowing, not being in complete control. extremely stressful. and i dont enjoy that.
its dumb. i can either stay super close and go to waubonsee for 2 years, going farther with the internship/apprenticeship. or i can go to hope, which is my #1 4-year school, but its also in michigan. i could take the train and come back every weekend, or maybe even try to schedule it so i dont have a class on a wednesday. but really, how well is that going to work out?
im not ready to leave my church. im not ready to leave my church family. in any way. stuco, weekend services, volunteering every which way. im not ready to graduate from that. im just not. im more freaked about that than leaving school, school friends, and even my immediate family. i know my immediate family will be here when i get back. i dont really care so much about school and those friends; if they are real friends, we'll keep in touch. i just... dont want to miss opportunities in my church. and that family is my REAL family. theyr what have kept me going, helped me fight through all of this. and i dont want to miss a second. and i feel like not only am i going to miss a second, but 4 years worth. like its just going to completely disappear.
my next step? talking to allison. im sure she could explain how it really is.
hopefully it isnt really like i imagine it would be.
i mean, depending on what college i go to depends on the people ill meet. and the education ill get. and how much ill be involved at home and my home church.
i guess what i really wish is that i knew what was going to happen after i graduate. i wish i KNEW i had a set job at CCC and i wouldnt have to stress about it. but nobody gets off THAT easy. its just... the whole not knowing, not being in complete control. extremely stressful. and i dont enjoy that.
its dumb. i can either stay super close and go to waubonsee for 2 years, going farther with the internship/apprenticeship. or i can go to hope, which is my #1 4-year school, but its also in michigan. i could take the train and come back every weekend, or maybe even try to schedule it so i dont have a class on a wednesday. but really, how well is that going to work out?
im not ready to leave my church. im not ready to leave my church family. in any way. stuco, weekend services, volunteering every which way. im not ready to graduate from that. im just not. im more freaked about that than leaving school, school friends, and even my immediate family. i know my immediate family will be here when i get back. i dont really care so much about school and those friends; if they are real friends, we'll keep in touch. i just... dont want to miss opportunities in my church. and that family is my REAL family. theyr what have kept me going, helped me fight through all of this. and i dont want to miss a second. and i feel like not only am i going to miss a second, but 4 years worth. like its just going to completely disappear.
my next step? talking to allison. im sure she could explain how it really is.
hopefully it isnt really like i imagine it would be.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
good enough
here i am, attempting to throw together a 3 page biography about a composer i had never heard of before thats due tomorrow night.
what is WRONG with me??
i used to be an over-achiever. i would do work right away, projects weeks ahead of time. and now i wait until the last minute, usually turning in something that isnt even half of what i could really do. so why do i do it? excellent question.
some people worry that i am too focused on other things, like my internship, for example. well, im not giving up my homework/study time to do intern work. yes, i am at church 2 or 3 days a week. but 2 of those 3 days are weekend days, not week days, when i actually have homework.
goodness knows its not boys. i have to say iv done a pretty good job staying far away from that species.
im sitting here working and i hear some girls talking about a project they are working on. the girl is asking her friend if the page is acceptable. she kept asking "does it need details? is it eye catching?" finally the girl ends with "good enough" and went to go grab her project from the printer.
its ridiculous how much iv been saying "good enough". why am i ok with that? why am i ok with just meeting the bare minimum, when i know i can do so much more?
im sick of just being acceptable. im sick of doing things that are just "ok". im ready to step up and have everything i do be spectacular, superior, top notch. im sick of everything just being good enough. i dont want to be known for the student that was good enough, whos work was good enough, whos brain/acting/singing/personality was good enough. frankly i dont care what im known for at all. but the fact is, i was blessed with talents and intelligence. i was blessed with these thigns so i could use them to glorify God. thats what i live for, its who i am. here i am, ok with doing things that are just "good enough". i was created to be so much more than that.
so what do i do to change it? what do i do to improve when im not really sure whats holding me back in the first place?
hmm. i guess first step to that is obsessive amounts of prayer.
now back to my essay.
what is WRONG with me??
i used to be an over-achiever. i would do work right away, projects weeks ahead of time. and now i wait until the last minute, usually turning in something that isnt even half of what i could really do. so why do i do it? excellent question.
some people worry that i am too focused on other things, like my internship, for example. well, im not giving up my homework/study time to do intern work. yes, i am at church 2 or 3 days a week. but 2 of those 3 days are weekend days, not week days, when i actually have homework.
goodness knows its not boys. i have to say iv done a pretty good job staying far away from that species.
im sitting here working and i hear some girls talking about a project they are working on. the girl is asking her friend if the page is acceptable. she kept asking "does it need details? is it eye catching?" finally the girl ends with "good enough" and went to go grab her project from the printer.
its ridiculous how much iv been saying "good enough". why am i ok with that? why am i ok with just meeting the bare minimum, when i know i can do so much more?
im sick of just being acceptable. im sick of doing things that are just "ok". im ready to step up and have everything i do be spectacular, superior, top notch. im sick of everything just being good enough. i dont want to be known for the student that was good enough, whos work was good enough, whos brain/acting/singing/personality was good enough. frankly i dont care what im known for at all. but the fact is, i was blessed with talents and intelligence. i was blessed with these thigns so i could use them to glorify God. thats what i live for, its who i am. here i am, ok with doing things that are just "good enough". i was created to be so much more than that.
so what do i do to change it? what do i do to improve when im not really sure whats holding me back in the first place?
hmm. i guess first step to that is obsessive amounts of prayer.
now back to my essay.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
happy birthday anaka
last night i came home from homecoming and the ONLY thing i wanted was to be able to talk to my sister. i miss her like crazy. i hate that i cant sit up with her until all hours of the night talking about boys and school and dances and the future and every other topic we could ever think of. i miss those crazy nights we got out the karaoke machine and blasted old 80s and sang until our voices were squeaking. i miss our ridiculous photo shoots where we would change into billions of outfits and do our makeup all different ways and take hundreds of pictures. i miss being able to test out hairstyles on her, and getting all fancy for events and dancing like total dorks. i just miss her. i miss her so much. shes my baby sister, she was my best friend. and its not fair. the fact that i did nothing wrong and i lost her like this... it breaks my heart. i want her back. i hate that she wont talk to me, like i wronged her. i hate how shes built it up in her head that im her worst enemy when i love her more than any of her friends or her step family or anyone else.
todays anakes 15 birthday. and i cant even wish her a happy birthday. because she refuses to talk to me. its totally killing me. i remember we used to have so much fun on her birthday. if she had parties, i was always invited. she loved having me there and she thought it was so cool and i got along with her friends and led them in games and took pictures and made her cake and stuff. and my favorite thing in the entire world was buying her presents. i mean she was my baby sister. and my only sister. i remember for her 13 birthday i got her things that all had to do with 13. iv had her 15th birthday gift planned out since she turned 12. i was going to get her 15 items that would help her through high school. but like girly stuff; make up, straightener, purses, etc. i was soooo psyched about that. iv slowly been buying things and adding it to the stash. and here it is, the big 1-5, and i cant see her. i cant even give her her gift bc she doesnt WANT it.
i want my sister back. i hate this. i hate what shes become. i just want her back.
todays anakes 15 birthday. and i cant even wish her a happy birthday. because she refuses to talk to me. its totally killing me. i remember we used to have so much fun on her birthday. if she had parties, i was always invited. she loved having me there and she thought it was so cool and i got along with her friends and led them in games and took pictures and made her cake and stuff. and my favorite thing in the entire world was buying her presents. i mean she was my baby sister. and my only sister. i remember for her 13 birthday i got her things that all had to do with 13. iv had her 15th birthday gift planned out since she turned 12. i was going to get her 15 items that would help her through high school. but like girly stuff; make up, straightener, purses, etc. i was soooo psyched about that. iv slowly been buying things and adding it to the stash. and here it is, the big 1-5, and i cant see her. i cant even give her her gift bc she doesnt WANT it.
i want my sister back. i hate this. i hate what shes become. i just want her back.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Inspirational quotes/verses that I love
A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.
- Hugh Downs
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger.
- Proverbs 15:1
Amateurs wait for inspiration. The rest of us just get up and go to work.
- Chuck Close
And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
- Abraham Lincoln
Be kind to one another, because most of us are fighting a hard battle.
- Ian McLaren
Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.
- John Wooden
Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
- Marilyn Vos Savant
Comedy is tragedy plus time.
- Carol Burnett
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.
- Ambrose Redmoon
Do not let what you can't do interfere with what you can do.
- John Wooden
Do not wait; the time will never be "just right". Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along.
- Napoleon Hill
Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
- Will Rogers
Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Handling criticism: if it's untrue, disregard it. If it's unfair, keep from irritation. If it's ignorant, smile. If it's justified, learn from it.
Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.
- Victor Hugo
He who talks without thinking runs more risks than he who thinks without talking.
Hold yourself to a higher standard than anyone expects of you. Never excuse yourself.
- Henry Ward Beecher
i was thinking and praying hard last night and today. and i feel that even though i am kind of having to shut off from everything, it will be for my benefit. i think its more practice for me to just listen, and not speak. to think more before speaking, if i speak at all. things are frustrating, im hurt, yes. but everything happens for a reason. so i just need to fight through this, and find the lesson god is trying to help me learn. and i do that and keep my mouth shut, il be back at church and stuco next week. which i need desperately, so im kind of going silent the next few days. which im hoping is enough. im hoping my mom doesnt just have one of her rants and grounds me when iv done nothing, but well see.
pray for me
- Hugh Downs
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger.
- Proverbs 15:1
Amateurs wait for inspiration. The rest of us just get up and go to work.
- Chuck Close
And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
- Abraham Lincoln
Be kind to one another, because most of us are fighting a hard battle.
- Ian McLaren
Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.
- John Wooden
Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
- Marilyn Vos Savant
Comedy is tragedy plus time.
- Carol Burnett
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.
- Ambrose Redmoon
Do not let what you can't do interfere with what you can do.
- John Wooden
Do not wait; the time will never be "just right". Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along.
- Napoleon Hill
Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
- Will Rogers
Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Handling criticism: if it's untrue, disregard it. If it's unfair, keep from irritation. If it's ignorant, smile. If it's justified, learn from it.
Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.
- Victor Hugo
He who talks without thinking runs more risks than he who thinks without talking.
Hold yourself to a higher standard than anyone expects of you. Never excuse yourself.
- Henry Ward Beecher
i was thinking and praying hard last night and today. and i feel that even though i am kind of having to shut off from everything, it will be for my benefit. i think its more practice for me to just listen, and not speak. to think more before speaking, if i speak at all. things are frustrating, im hurt, yes. but everything happens for a reason. so i just need to fight through this, and find the lesson god is trying to help me learn. and i do that and keep my mouth shut, il be back at church and stuco next week. which i need desperately, so im kind of going silent the next few days. which im hoping is enough. im hoping my mom doesnt just have one of her rants and grounds me when iv done nothing, but well see.
pray for me
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