college decisions. are definitely one of the hardest i have EVER made.
i mean, depending on what college i go to depends on the people ill meet. and the education ill get. and how much ill be involved at home and my home church.
i guess what i really wish is that i knew what was going to happen after i graduate. i wish i KNEW i had a set job at CCC and i wouldnt have to stress about it. but nobody gets off THAT easy. its just... the whole not knowing, not being in complete control. extremely stressful. and i dont enjoy that.
its dumb. i can either stay super close and go to waubonsee for 2 years, going farther with the internship/apprenticeship. or i can go to hope, which is my #1 4-year school, but its also in michigan. i could take the train and come back every weekend, or maybe even try to schedule it so i dont have a class on a wednesday. but really, how well is that going to work out?
im not ready to leave my church. im not ready to leave my church family. in any way. stuco, weekend services, volunteering every which way. im not ready to graduate from that. im just not. im more freaked about that than leaving school, school friends, and even my immediate family. i know my immediate family will be here when i get back. i dont really care so much about school and those friends; if they are real friends, we'll keep in touch. i just... dont want to miss opportunities in my church. and that family is my REAL family. theyr what have kept me going, helped me fight through all of this. and i dont want to miss a second. and i feel like not only am i going to miss a second, but 4 years worth. like its just going to completely disappear.
my next step? talking to allison. im sure she could explain how it really is.
hopefully it isnt really like i imagine it would be.
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