paramore. i love that band. paramore and flyleaf. 2 bands i could listen to non stop for DAYS and wouldnt get sick of them. And david crowder band. Music. I love music.
You know, its funny. Last night, my mom told me to go to bed early cause I have been having wicked migraines, so I was in my room by 9 pm last night. I laid on my bed and was like ohh, I want to read my bible. Right now im reading through the entire bible again, trying to really get stuff to stick, and kind of relearning a lot of the stuff I was taught when I was younger. I don’t want to miss anything. So I started reading and before I knew it over an hour and a half had passed. And it kind of makes me think. I hear people [mostly teenagers] constantly say they couldn’t live without music. They are constantly listening to it, love listening to it, etc. and that’s pretty much how I am with the bible. Im addicted. I love reading it, it totally consumes me and all of my attention, and I could read it nonstop for hours.
Music is a lot of peoples anti-drug. The bible is mine. I wasn’t always like that. As kids my mom always taught us to read our bibles, and I always did, but through junior high and freshman year I definitely went through a point where the bible was the most boring thing EVER. Its cool for me to see how much God has grown in me, and see how much I truly love listening to what he has to say. Definitely makes me feel a little better about myself. And it also helps me when im feeling down, and not really confident in myself, to see that, yes, I have grown. No matter how much my mother or old friends say I haven’t, I know I have. And that’s proof right there.
so this morning i did even MORE research on spring arbor, considering they're the only school so far iv gotten accepted into [hopefully north park and hope will send me a letter soon!!!] and its making me realize how close this change actually is. i mean, im going to be leaving for college next august. and its already november. 9 months. i only have 9 months. And I feel like I have so much still to do in this small amount of time.
I honestly thought this year was going to CRAWL. I was already looking forward to graduating last spring, and time was barely moving. And now that im actually facing graduation, I feel like its speeding right at me. the fact that im already a fourth through this year blows my mind. I feel like we started school last week! I still haven’t got over my summer high; how can I already be a quarter way through the school year?? Its crazy. Part of me is calmly moving forward as my future flies at my face, but part of me is desperately grasping everything I have, trying to get a hold on everything that is in my life right now.
Im not totally positive why im so freaked about losing everything. I mean, its not like CCC is going to burn up and disappear while im away. I could come back and visit as much as I want [depending on where I go, that is]. No matter what, after I graduate college, I can always come home, back to my church and continue attending. Its not like oh, you graduated, your done with stuco, your done with this church. I KNOW its not like that. Yet part of me is TOTALLY against going far enough to not be able to attend services on a regular basis.
I guess that kind of has to do with spiritual growth, and spiritual independence. I know that if I went without my church my relationship with Christ would not disintegrate. But maybe its just time to test that, see if I can keep improving and stay strong in my walk with God. I guess I know I can. I do, I know that I could survive without my church. But I don’t want to even have to TRY that. I would much rather have my church than go without it. Its my home, the people are my family. its my safe place. And im not ready to lose my safe place.
You know, speaking of music [way earlier, at least], its really hitting home lately. Iv always been a huge music person, but the past year I kind of went through a separation with it [lol, like it’s a person or something]. I kind of lost the passion, didn’t care as much. But very recently, songs with lyrics that totally apply to me have been popping up like crazy and making me think. Weird how that works.
Oh and you know what I noticed last night? Jacob was the first person to ever tithe. Jacob, Isaacs son. I think. Now I can’t remember whose son he was. But it’s the Jacob from genesis. Just funny, I never thought about tithing starting at one point. Its just one of those things I just thought always existed. Although we know communion started with the disciples.. whatever. Just a cool fact :]
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