last night i came home from homecoming and the ONLY thing i wanted was to be able to talk to my sister. i miss her like crazy. i hate that i cant sit up with her until all hours of the night talking about boys and school and dances and the future and every other topic we could ever think of. i miss those crazy nights we got out the karaoke machine and blasted old 80s and sang until our voices were squeaking. i miss our ridiculous photo shoots where we would change into billions of outfits and do our makeup all different ways and take hundreds of pictures. i miss being able to test out hairstyles on her, and getting all fancy for events and dancing like total dorks. i just miss her. i miss her so much. shes my baby sister, she was my best friend. and its not fair. the fact that i did nothing wrong and i lost her like this... it breaks my heart. i want her back. i hate that she wont talk to me, like i wronged her. i hate how shes built it up in her head that im her worst enemy when i love her more than any of her friends or her step family or anyone else.
todays anakes 15 birthday. and i cant even wish her a happy birthday. because she refuses to talk to me. its totally killing me. i remember we used to have so much fun on her birthday. if she had parties, i was always invited. she loved having me there and she thought it was so cool and i got along with her friends and led them in games and took pictures and made her cake and stuff. and my favorite thing in the entire world was buying her presents. i mean she was my baby sister. and my only sister. i remember for her 13 birthday i got her things that all had to do with 13. iv had her 15th birthday gift planned out since she turned 12. i was going to get her 15 items that would help her through high school. but like girly stuff; make up, straightener, purses, etc. i was soooo psyched about that. iv slowly been buying things and adding it to the stash. and here it is, the big 1-5, and i cant see her. i cant even give her her gift bc she doesnt WANT it.
i want my sister back. i hate this. i hate what shes become. i just want her back.
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