Opportunity

I was extremely excited the second i found out Tim was taking over shorewood as well. All of my camp girls go to that campus, and ill have even more of an excuse to see them now. it also means tim doesnt have to leave us. at ciy, i was scared crapless, for lack of better word, that we were going to lose him. he started acting funny, and i was sure that God had maybe moved him to go somewhere else, and knowing that it would be the right thing to do I assumed Tim would agree and move on. and i didnt want him to. so knowing we get to keep him at our campus AND another campus is getting blessed with him is pretty ridiculously awesome.

note about the God moving thing before I go on... i've learned so much about that. I was so mad when Nick left, and i did forgive him, but not because i finally understood. i forgave him because i knew it was right. but God was the one who told Nick to move up, he didnt just up and leave to hurt all of his students. he was doing what God told him to do. and seeing tim do that with his job, and now justin, too, my eyes have finally been opened. i felt moved by God to go into youth ministry, which is why im where im at now. so what if i had been like "no way, God, because if i do im going to hurt these people because im not going to become a doctor like they always wanted me to". ok no, its not the same situation, but a close enough example. well, i would never do that. i wouldnt say no to God, especially after that where i personally felt him talking to ME. because i love God and hes what i live for, so i automatically was like im on it and dived head first right in. so why do i expect other people to say no to God if even i cant? i truly get it now. i really do. even if tim felt in the middle of this year god was moving him to leave, i would be ok with it. i would miss him terribly, but i wouldnt be angry or bitter. because this is GOD were talking about here, not like, some boss or the government.

but anyway, back on track.

i was excited about this not only for tim, but for me. its my camp girls, and ill have even more of a reason to see them way more often. but seeing this whole transition, i didnt think about how PAINFUL it would be for the girls. i know they all think tim is super cool, and i think tim is freaking fantastic, so i didnt even think about the negative aspect. i got texts from a bunch of my girls this morning, but one in particular. and she was describing how she feels, what shes going through, and it was like a smack in the face; my camp girls who i love are going through the pain that i went through when nick left us. and at first i was like omg no. no no no. but then i realized that i get it now.

im not mad at justin because hes hurting them, bc i know why hes doing it. and given, im quite a few years older and a lot more mature than most of those girls and i cant make them understand it like i do. but i can be there. i can actually help them through this because I went through it myself! and i GET it. i know how it feels i understand the situation. not only is tim getting an awesome opportunity, but with his opportunity im getting one. im getting LOTS. to be a friend and a leader to all my girls who are struggling with this, who need someone who understands and will be there for them. in a way im getting a small shot at being a miniature youth pastor. in a small kind of way. and its SWEET. its exciting. extremely exciting. this is what im passionate about. THIS is why i so badly want to be a youth pastor. i want to help other teens through exactly what i had to go through. through all of it. and this is part of it.

just had to share that. its weird... kind of saying im excited about their pain... thats not what i mean, but it seems like it. its just the opportunities that comes along with life. things get tough, but no matter what, God is behind it.


:]